I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A bitchslap is in order.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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