He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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