My underwear smells like fireworks.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
