in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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