It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're like the curious george of whores
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
