we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize