Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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