Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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