I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
