Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
