god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
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he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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