There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
