I want to make a zoo with you.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
