I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
