ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
