dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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