There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
