We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
