Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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