Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
