help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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