My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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