Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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