i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
