Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
