how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
