If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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