Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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