You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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