i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
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Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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