i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
