Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
