If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
