no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
