all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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