guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What a dumb baby whore.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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