In America we eat man semen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
