dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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