U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
