wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
