Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
