Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
