he shaved USA in his pubs
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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