that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Girls should come with a carfax report
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
