you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
