every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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