you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize