At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm really into asian looking animals
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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