she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
