no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You are a genius and a whore.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
