Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
