Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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