it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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