Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
