so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
