and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
