I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
