Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
