I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
