Soap is not a condiment
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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