my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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