you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
