My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
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Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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