There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
