Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
