You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
