Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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