Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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