my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I am morally bankrupt
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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