As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
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