we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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