I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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