that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
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downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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