It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
