if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
