So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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