Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
