So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
