I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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