eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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