And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
