Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
